While talking to a friend recently I realized something about myself. She made the statement: "sex changes friendship", and I agreed. Sort of. Part of me went "yeah.. I get that" -- in a way that 43 years of observing the world has taught me to understand abstract concepts. Another part of me (the part that feels stuff) said... "Huh?"
Sex and friendship for me just go together. That doesn't mean I have sex with all my friends (sheesh)! I'm actually pretty picky about that, and careful and fearful and cautious in all kinds of ways... but after sex the friendship doesn't go away for me. It doesn't change, it doesn't get scary; if anything, it deepens. But... my friend's comment got me thinking: what DOES sex comprise, for me?
I came up with three things:
1. Love. Sex is an expression of love. Because I'm poly (y'all know that by now, right?) love is not exclusive. But it's real and powerful and beautiful and multicoloured. I love love.
2. Respect. Sex absolutely requires mutual respect between whoever is participating (*cough* yes, it can be more than two at a time, people). Yes, EVEN in BDSM situations, respect is absolutely mandatory. Respect begets honesty, which begets communication, which begets authentic interaction, which begets...
3. Energy. Sex is, for me, ultimately, and exchange of energy that empowers and enlivens and creates bliss and joy and health, YAY!!! Need I say more?
What sex is NOT, for me, is attachment. Never was, never will be. When I was younger I didn't even think about this... didn't even know about this aspect of my personality. Now, being older, I am not only aware but excited, because it means that I can practice sex and consciously cultivate Love, Respect and Energy, with Intention and without Attachment.
I try to be aware of other peoples' views on sex and respect them accordingly. I try to especially emphasize the fact that if I am having sex with you, I honor you for the unique and beautiful being you are. I feel grateful and blessed each time someone shares their sexual self with me.
In my perfect world, though... we'd all shake hands in a much more intimate way.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
cucumber
I'm excited because I'm going to the beach for a picnic with this cute girl I like, though I don't know her very well. She's about my height, with dark brown hair, grey eyes, full lips and the sweetest figure... just turned 30 yesterday, and laughing that she's no longer a kid. Mmm, I have a huge crush. I've packed a lunch, and I swing the cooler at my side as we leave the car and head for the secluded part of Little Tribune Bay on Hornby Island. I'm taking her here because even if there's someone else around, no one minds if you take off your swimsuit, heh heh. I can always hope!
We find a nice flat spot on the sand not too far from the water, and spread out our blanket, pull off our shorts and tops to expose our skimpy two piece suits, and immediately start slathering on the sunscreen. I watch under lidded eyes as she rubs it over her barely covered luscious breasts, just about faint when she asks me to do her back -- just about die when she does mine!
We lie back, side by side, eyes closed, on the blanket. Murmer softly, listen to the waves. No one's around. I'm floating on a cloud of her scent (coconut sunscreen and a light musk). I drift. Only to start awake on hearing a THUNK: my darling opening the cooler. "Hungry?" I ask? "Yeah," she says, "you lie there, I'll get us some lunch, since you were so sweet as to pack it for us!" She laughs lightly and I lie back, feeling anything but hungry (at least, not for food). "Ohh, this cucumber is nice and cold; you've kept it next to the ice! I'm sooooooo hot, I think we'll eat this first!" I hear her rummage, find the cutting board, the knife, and peek to see her settling beside me, cross-legged, with the large crisp green english cuke I picked out at SaveOn yesterday grasped in one fist.
"Mmmm, don't you use cucumber as a beauty treatment -- put it on your eyes or something?" I hear her slicing... hold my breath. "Now you lie still, don't open your eyes," she has laughter in her voice, silvery and cool as rain, "I'm going to give you a facial!" I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to squirm! Ecstatic, I feel her place two cool discs on my eyes. "Hm," she says, as if pondering, "you feel hot. Maybe I need to put more of these nice cool slices on you..." And slowly, with a light but sure touch, I feel her place more deliciously icy discs on my mouth, my neck, and down my chest... "Shhhh," she murmers, as a little moan escapes, "you ARE hot, I think I'm going to have to take off your swimsuit," and I feel the front hook of my top pop open, cool fingers and juicy cuke slices slide over my very erect nipples. "These won't stay on!" she laughs. "Lemme just make them into rings," and I try not to shake too hard with delighted laughter as she slips cold little cucumber donuts over each pert tit. I sigh and stretch slightly as she places more slices down my middle, my belly... and then she reaches my bikini bottom.
"Well, this may as well come off, too!" and she undoes the side strings, eases it down. I'm so wet I can hardly stand it, but I lie as still as I can, playing her game and loving every minute of this. I can just imagine her now naked breasts swinging tantalizingly over me as she bends to reach the last cool disc from the cutting board. She runs her hands up my thighs, not parting them but probing, and then -- slides an icy slice between my incredibly hot lips, back and forth while she laughs and says: "You look like an antipasto plate, darling! I think I'm going to have to eat you al fresco!"
And I can't help it: my back arches, cucumber bits spill everywhere and I'm lost in a wave of pleasure as her lips and teeth meet that last slice, tongue darting to taste the cool-hot salty mixture within...
I open my eyes, and she's smiling at me, mouth moist, still munching. "Well," she says with a twinkle in her eye, "that was yummy, but I'm still a bit hot and hungry! How about you slice me some of that watermelon?"
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
How to Wake up Beautiful (as seen on Yahoo and adapted by Me... Who needs ten steps when you can do it in seven?)
1. Go to bed naked.
2. Make sure your pillow smells yummy (your lover's hair, your own musk, lavendar, a kitten... )
3. Leave your window open -- night air is delicious & nutritious.
4. Fall asleep after a delicious orgasm.
5. When you wake up, touch and say goodmorning to the parts of your body you love the most. Then say goodmorning to the other parts. Take your time. :)
6. Have a delicious orgasm.
7. Check the mirror when you get up. You Are Beautiful. ;)
Monday, April 20, 2009
domination and devotion
Ah, I love the insights being a switch has given me into the murky world of my own sexual psyche! I like to think of my proclivity for swinging from one kinky pendulum extreme to another (with pauses to enjoy all the delicious ambiguities in the middle) as a way of achieving balance in my relationships. One of the things I've noticed is that I cannot consciously determine whether I'm going to feel submissive or dominant towards a certain partner -- I just have to go with the flow. Delving into the reasons for the direction my flow chooses has shown me some interesting inner truths about my needs and desires.
Recently, I've begun to feel switchy with one of my Dominant partners, which is a curious thing. Why would I want to turn the tables on a relationship which I've found deliciously satisfying? Unless, of course, I have a need for balance. Puzzling over the situation, I fell asleep and woke up with a word in my head: devotion.
When you hear this word, as a BDSMer, you probably automatically think of submission, and you'd be correct. Submission involves abandonment into total devotion to a Dominant, a Master or Mistress, and herein lies the ecstasy of giving everything you can give and having it *accepted* in return. Balance is beautiful.
But, there is also an element of devotion involved in being a Dominant. Acceptance of submission is important, but so is the commitment to utterly care for and know everything there is to know about your submissive partner. I've spoken about the difficult role of the Dominant before and how mindful awareness is an absolute requirement to be successful in this role. There is no room for negligence in domination. If a sub thinks you have ceased to care about their offerings of service, they will lose faith in your ability to lead, to master, and they will feel something is lacking.
How does a Dominant achieve and sustain this mastery, then? Through devotion. To be utterly and wholly focused on your submissive as a unique and cherished treasure whose abilities to give are valued even as they are exploited and tested -- this is the sacred duty of a Dominant. For devotion received, devotion is given, and herein lies balance.
Recently, I've begun to feel switchy with one of my Dominant partners, which is a curious thing. Why would I want to turn the tables on a relationship which I've found deliciously satisfying? Unless, of course, I have a need for balance. Puzzling over the situation, I fell asleep and woke up with a word in my head: devotion.
When you hear this word, as a BDSMer, you probably automatically think of submission, and you'd be correct. Submission involves abandonment into total devotion to a Dominant, a Master or Mistress, and herein lies the ecstasy of giving everything you can give and having it *accepted* in return. Balance is beautiful.
But, there is also an element of devotion involved in being a Dominant. Acceptance of submission is important, but so is the commitment to utterly care for and know everything there is to know about your submissive partner. I've spoken about the difficult role of the Dominant before and how mindful awareness is an absolute requirement to be successful in this role. There is no room for negligence in domination. If a sub thinks you have ceased to care about their offerings of service, they will lose faith in your ability to lead, to master, and they will feel something is lacking.
How does a Dominant achieve and sustain this mastery, then? Through devotion. To be utterly and wholly focused on your submissive as a unique and cherished treasure whose abilities to give are valued even as they are exploited and tested -- this is the sacred duty of a Dominant. For devotion received, devotion is given, and herein lies balance.
Monday, April 13, 2009
ldr and impermanence
Since I've been doing more poly relationship workshops lately I find I'm being asked more frequently about my LDRs (long distance relationships) and how I manage to sustain or even tolerate them. It seems that many people, even poly ones who have the opportunity to form more than one intimate relationship at a time, still find the idea of not being frequently in the physical presence of a loved one to be difficult to accept.
I'm not saying I always find this easy, but I think I have learned a few tricks that help me deal with distance, and most of these come from my study of Buddhist teachings. In particular, the concept of impermanence has helped me immensely to put my relationships into perspective and also to enjoy the moments I AM in the presence of my loved ones to the fullest.
A few years ago, when my then-primary partner's mother died, I picked up a copy of Thich Nhat Hanh's wonderful book: No Death, No Fear. I wanted to read it to myself and my children to help them understand as clearly as possible that death was not a concept that should overshadow our lives with dread. I found much solace and inspiration in his words, and I also found unexpected advice for how to live my life more fully and with more awareness.
In particular, I was fascinated by the idea that we can carry love for anyone in our hearts regardless of where they are or whether they are even alive at the moment. The love we have enriches our lives because we have it, not because of what exists in a particular moment. In fact, things change from moment to moment so what we think we know is only what knew -- it's already past. When we stop clutching onto past moments and try to just be present, now is when fear leaves us.
We know, irrevocably, that everyone (including ourselves) will someday, possibly very soon, be gone. We know that every relationship we have will most certainly end. What, then, is the difference between fifty years lived in the physical presence of a loved one and one hour? And how much sweeter one hour of total awareness of our lover than fifty years of taking them for granted?
LDR is difficult, of that there is no doubt. On the other hand, the moments I've spent with my far distant lovers have been full to the brim and bursting with sweetness, which I remember with love and joy. I also know I will have those moments again -- if not with those loves, then with others. In trying to be as present as possible with each person (including myself) who I love, I grasp a precious gift that otherwise I might not know were I never to reach beyond the boundaries of my small circle of life and touch the minds, hearts and bodies of those I find beautiful.
No coming, no going,
No after, no before.
I hold you close,
I release you to be free:
I am in you
And you are in me.
--Thich Nhat Hanh, No Death, No Fear
I'm not saying I always find this easy, but I think I have learned a few tricks that help me deal with distance, and most of these come from my study of Buddhist teachings. In particular, the concept of impermanence has helped me immensely to put my relationships into perspective and also to enjoy the moments I AM in the presence of my loved ones to the fullest.
A few years ago, when my then-primary partner's mother died, I picked up a copy of Thich Nhat Hanh's wonderful book: No Death, No Fear. I wanted to read it to myself and my children to help them understand as clearly as possible that death was not a concept that should overshadow our lives with dread. I found much solace and inspiration in his words, and I also found unexpected advice for how to live my life more fully and with more awareness.
In particular, I was fascinated by the idea that we can carry love for anyone in our hearts regardless of where they are or whether they are even alive at the moment. The love we have enriches our lives because we have it, not because of what exists in a particular moment. In fact, things change from moment to moment so what we think we know is only what knew -- it's already past. When we stop clutching onto past moments and try to just be present, now is when fear leaves us.
We know, irrevocably, that everyone (including ourselves) will someday, possibly very soon, be gone. We know that every relationship we have will most certainly end. What, then, is the difference between fifty years lived in the physical presence of a loved one and one hour? And how much sweeter one hour of total awareness of our lover than fifty years of taking them for granted?
LDR is difficult, of that there is no doubt. On the other hand, the moments I've spent with my far distant lovers have been full to the brim and bursting with sweetness, which I remember with love and joy. I also know I will have those moments again -- if not with those loves, then with others. In trying to be as present as possible with each person (including myself) who I love, I grasp a precious gift that otherwise I might not know were I never to reach beyond the boundaries of my small circle of life and touch the minds, hearts and bodies of those I find beautiful.
No coming, no going,
No after, no before.
I hold you close,
I release you to be free:
I am in you
And you are in me.
--Thich Nhat Hanh, No Death, No Fear
Thursday, April 9, 2009
on crying while being topped...
This post is a response I made to a friend who had an experience with his Lady while being topped by her. Their relationship is still relatively new, and she had found it somewhat distressing that he began to cry after a particularly intense topping session.
I've only had this happen once, and it was the first time my partner had ever topped me after years of me having been HIS Top. On this occasion, I begged him to hurt me because deep down I knew I needed the release and I trusted him completely. I think my crying was a physical unblocking of energy as much as an emotional release, and I base this on my experiences with other energy/body work and crying.
For example, I've both experienced and heard stories from people who give and receive massage (some of them are professional MTs) that intense deep tissue work can cause a person to dissolve in tears.
Another example I've experienced and read about is crying after a very intense (usually g-spot) orgasm.
Taking these (not unpleasant) examples of crying as physical release (and hey, some of us cry when we laugh for a long time) I think you can reasonably assure your Lady that your crying was in many ways a purely physical reaction, and a positive one because it indicates a movement of energy in your body from a blocked state to an unblocked one. As a practitioner of tai chi I've noticed that unblocking of "stuck" energy can often be painful at first, then feel terrific afterwards -- very similar to being beaten!
That said, your Lady is partly correct about crying being associate with unhappiness, since the blocked energy we store in our bodies is usually from something that makes us unhappy, afraid or sad. The crying, though, is a sign that the negative emotions are MOVING, which is a good thing. Some of this stuff may well have been stuck for years, and it's a wondrous thing to have someone unlock this for us -- a precious gift.
When I've had subs cry during or after a session, I feel awed and realize I've managed to aid them in unblocking something they needed to move along, and let them cry for as long as they need to (and then I get them some water). :)
Congratulations on having such a special, intimate experience and someone special who can share it with you!
~K
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
full with the charge
I sing the body electric,
The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them,
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the soul.
--Walt Whitman
*******
I don't expect my partners will give me everything I need, but I do expect the Universe to give me exactly what I need, when I need it. My job is to figure out what that is.
The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them,
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the soul.
--Walt Whitman
*******
I don't expect my partners will give me everything I need, but I do expect the Universe to give me exactly what I need, when I need it. My job is to figure out what that is.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
the sexiest thing ever
I've been thinking about the qualities I seek and admire in those I partner with, and I discovered that one of the most important qualities is courage. Not the kind of courage that means someone will do dangerous things, or look for battles to fight -- the courage I'm talking about is the the kind required to face demons, usually our own, and honestly be ourselves in the face of a bewildering array of paths open to our choosing.
I've noticed that when people tend to cause the most hurt to others it's because, somewhere, they are nurturing or protecting a fear. There are things we'd rather not examine in ourselves, or the world, and the fear this generates can resonate throughout our relationships in uneasy and painful ways.
The courage needed to look honestly at and admit our fears, to work with them and to find ways to live with and around them, and to learn from them -- this is the kind of courage I admire most. This is the kind of courage I can love. This kind of courage isn't a lack of fear, but rather a willingness to live WITH fear, and still live well.
How, I wondered, do we accomplish this? We're all told to "face our fears" or "allow our fear to pass over and through us", but what ways have I seen people live well with their fears?
One way is through grounding ourselves, through meditation or spiritual practices. Creating a place of peace inside ourselves that we know is always there and safe. This takes a lot of work, and I strongly suspect faking it til you make it is a great way to help this along.
Another way is through humour. Being able to see the ridiculous in our situation is a way of scaling fear down to something human and manageable. It's also something other people can relate to; humour teaches and uplifts at the same time.
We can also manage fear through love. Loving unconditionally, forgiving, and cultivating compassion are Buddhist ways of living through fear, and, like humour, are affirmations of our humanity. Willingness to love (including loving ourselves) is the basis of courage, in my opinion.
I honestly can't think of anything sexier than this.
I've noticed that when people tend to cause the most hurt to others it's because, somewhere, they are nurturing or protecting a fear. There are things we'd rather not examine in ourselves, or the world, and the fear this generates can resonate throughout our relationships in uneasy and painful ways.
The courage needed to look honestly at and admit our fears, to work with them and to find ways to live with and around them, and to learn from them -- this is the kind of courage I admire most. This is the kind of courage I can love. This kind of courage isn't a lack of fear, but rather a willingness to live WITH fear, and still live well.
How, I wondered, do we accomplish this? We're all told to "face our fears" or "allow our fear to pass over and through us", but what ways have I seen people live well with their fears?
One way is through grounding ourselves, through meditation or spiritual practices. Creating a place of peace inside ourselves that we know is always there and safe. This takes a lot of work, and I strongly suspect faking it til you make it is a great way to help this along.
Another way is through humour. Being able to see the ridiculous in our situation is a way of scaling fear down to something human and manageable. It's also something other people can relate to; humour teaches and uplifts at the same time.
We can also manage fear through love. Loving unconditionally, forgiving, and cultivating compassion are Buddhist ways of living through fear, and, like humour, are affirmations of our humanity. Willingness to love (including loving ourselves) is the basis of courage, in my opinion.
I honestly can't think of anything sexier than this.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
notes from poly 101
I was incredibly pleased to see over half a dozen new and eager faces last night; the discussion, which was a fairly loosely structured "what challenges have you encountered or do you expect to encounter in polyamory as a relationship style?" generated some awesome ideas for future, more focused discussion. Some of the tantalizing topics touched upon were:
- the challenge of loving non-poly people
- different kinds of poly relationships
- does poly really "work"?
- what about commitment? are poly people into commitment? how does one define commitment in a culture where exclusivity is the accepted norm for a committed relationship?
- semantics (is an "open relationship" the same thing as polyamory?)
- how do poly partners reach agreements, and what about boundaries?
- jealousy, envy and compersion
- secrecy, communication within relationships, and being "out" to the world at large -- varying levels of openess
I also provided a links list of online and local resources:
Poly Links
"Polyamory? What, like two girlfriends?", Franklin Veaux's extremely practical and thorough poly information and advice website. A must read: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
"The Polyamorous Misanthrope", a terrific advice column/blog by an experienced poly practitioner: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/
"VanIsle Poly Yahoo list", where you can sign up to get news of all the latest events: http://www.vanisle-polyamory.com/
"Sex Positive Alternatives" (SPA), a Victoria-based Cyber Community Centre promoting events on Vancouver Island for consenting adults (19 yrs +) who practice alternative loving choices such as swinging, polyamory and Dominance/submission,masochism/sadism or variations there of and those who identify as heterosexual, bi-sexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, or transsexual: http://www.sexpositivealternatives.com/
"Jealousy and the Abyss", a really wonderful essay on how to look at jealousy as a tool for growth and self exploration rather than as something to be avoided: http://www.planetwaves.net/jealousy.html
"Polyamory, STDs and Safer Sex": http://www.serolynne.com/poly_stds.htm
"Polymatchmaker", more than just a matchmaking site, there are informative forums and links to all kinds of poly information worldwide: http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
"Sexual Integration and Free Association", Kiki's blog: http://kikimuse.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
in defense of NRE
NRE (New Relationship Energy) sometimes gets a bad rap in polyamorous circles because of the upset new and intense emotions can create among relatively stable existing relationship dynamics. While this can be true, and it's also true that some people tend to groove on NRE so much that they do lose sight of their other partners and commitments, I'd like to point out that there are some perfectly natural reasons why NRE is a wonderful experience that can be used to create a heightened feeling of love for everyone we are in contact with.
My take on love is that it's all coming from inside ourselves, and certain people bring out different aspects at different frequencies, at different times. As little kids, we love indiscriminately, and gradually, as we grow older and get knocked about by the world, we begin to pull back on how much we love. Eventually, we begin to believe we can only love a very few people (and, more importantly, only a very few people can love us). But... when we fall through the cracks in our own armour and fall IN love, our barriers fall down and we feel that open channel of love pour back into us, if only for a brief time.
This is what I think of as NRE -- not the love for one particular person but the fact of being the state of blissful love -- back where we belong -- if only for a brief time. Soon, the gates begin to close, reality sinks in, imperfections scare us, and we scale down our lovingness to something more sustainable. If we're lucky, we find a lasting level of love that we can maintain with one or more people, and this is what most of us call "love".
So I don't really think NRE is any different in quality than any other kind of love -- it's only a much wider, brighter, faster channel to what we're capable of being if we let ourselves really be fully who we are. I think NRE is a VERY useful experience, because it reminds us of what we're capable of -- a state of total acceptance and being right in the moment without concern for fear or loss or possession or expectation. NRE is a flash of grace and it is valuable because it shows us a glimpse of our own beauty and capacity for divine love.
NRE for me is not so much focused on one person or object so much as a state of being in a very heightened awareness of the moment and of my own potential/capacity for lovingness. I feel loved and lovely in NRE, and it's very much like a state of grace and somewhat unrelated to the person I love. It's more like the relationship unlocks some capacity in myself to love at a higher frequency.
Ongoing, trusting, longterm love is simply the glue that connects us all together and makes us human. It's the love we live and breathe and die for lack of. It's ubiquitous as sunlight, and equally as necessary. NRE helps us notice it, but then we gradually subside into thinking about other things, absorbing love around us as though it were ordinary and not a miracle at all.
How lucky we are to be able to awaken again and again to the loveliness of love. :)
My take on love is that it's all coming from inside ourselves, and certain people bring out different aspects at different frequencies, at different times. As little kids, we love indiscriminately, and gradually, as we grow older and get knocked about by the world, we begin to pull back on how much we love. Eventually, we begin to believe we can only love a very few people (and, more importantly, only a very few people can love us). But... when we fall through the cracks in our own armour and fall IN love, our barriers fall down and we feel that open channel of love pour back into us, if only for a brief time.
This is what I think of as NRE -- not the love for one particular person but the fact of being the state of blissful love -- back where we belong -- if only for a brief time. Soon, the gates begin to close, reality sinks in, imperfections scare us, and we scale down our lovingness to something more sustainable. If we're lucky, we find a lasting level of love that we can maintain with one or more people, and this is what most of us call "love".
So I don't really think NRE is any different in quality than any other kind of love -- it's only a much wider, brighter, faster channel to what we're capable of being if we let ourselves really be fully who we are. I think NRE is a VERY useful experience, because it reminds us of what we're capable of -- a state of total acceptance and being right in the moment without concern for fear or loss or possession or expectation. NRE is a flash of grace and it is valuable because it shows us a glimpse of our own beauty and capacity for divine love.
NRE for me is not so much focused on one person or object so much as a state of being in a very heightened awareness of the moment and of my own potential/capacity for lovingness. I feel loved and lovely in NRE, and it's very much like a state of grace and somewhat unrelated to the person I love. It's more like the relationship unlocks some capacity in myself to love at a higher frequency.
Ongoing, trusting, longterm love is simply the glue that connects us all together and makes us human. It's the love we live and breathe and die for lack of. It's ubiquitous as sunlight, and equally as necessary. NRE helps us notice it, but then we gradually subside into thinking about other things, absorbing love around us as though it were ordinary and not a miracle at all.
How lucky we are to be able to awaken again and again to the loveliness of love. :)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
a matter of trust
I'm feeling philosophical today, and a few of my morning readings sparked a pondering on the idea of trust. I think everyone would agree that trust is a concept most commonly equated with honesty and, more importantly, with proof of honesty -- unlike faith, which requires no proof. While some will use the two words interchangeably, I believe they arise from quite different sources. For me, faith is grand gesture, a sort of overall letting go of expectation and judgment in order to expand what I take in and open myself to possibility. Faith involves risk.
Trust, on the other hand, is in the details. Trust is a practical concept, involving some risk, still, but also attached to expectation that our trust will be reciprocated and nurtured. Whether it's trust in another person or trust in the sun to rise again the next day, when we place our trust we take a calculated risk -- one we feel is a pretty sure bet based on our knowledge and experience.
For this reason, trust has a shadow side which is, I believe, fear (I think faith's shadow is possibly despair, but I'm not about to get into that at the moment). Well-balanced, fear allows us to judge correctly and prudently where to place our trust. Allowed to go unexamined, however, our fears can block our pathways to trusting ourselves, others and the world around us. Further, if we persist too long in self-deception -- hiding from our demons or even projecting them outwards, our ability to be trusted falls into question.
The basis of trust, then, for me is self-trust first. We've all met people who come across as insecure, hostile, or who blame others for their misfortunes. Trust in those individuals is hard to come by, though I'd argue that it is still possible to nurture faith in their ability to change. In my personal journey, I'm exploring the meaning of self-trust more deeply now than ever before. And, interestingly, this process involves a certain amount of faith that my demons will not overwhelm -- and will in fact, help me -- learn to trust myself better.
What inspires trust in you?
Trust, on the other hand, is in the details. Trust is a practical concept, involving some risk, still, but also attached to expectation that our trust will be reciprocated and nurtured. Whether it's trust in another person or trust in the sun to rise again the next day, when we place our trust we take a calculated risk -- one we feel is a pretty sure bet based on our knowledge and experience.
For this reason, trust has a shadow side which is, I believe, fear (I think faith's shadow is possibly despair, but I'm not about to get into that at the moment). Well-balanced, fear allows us to judge correctly and prudently where to place our trust. Allowed to go unexamined, however, our fears can block our pathways to trusting ourselves, others and the world around us. Further, if we persist too long in self-deception -- hiding from our demons or even projecting them outwards, our ability to be trusted falls into question.
The basis of trust, then, for me is self-trust first. We've all met people who come across as insecure, hostile, or who blame others for their misfortunes. Trust in those individuals is hard to come by, though I'd argue that it is still possible to nurture faith in their ability to change. In my personal journey, I'm exploring the meaning of self-trust more deeply now than ever before. And, interestingly, this process involves a certain amount of faith that my demons will not overwhelm -- and will in fact, help me -- learn to trust myself better.
What inspires trust in you?
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